The Fight for Inclusion:
A Mother’s Story About Navigating School Challenges with ADHD and Autism
As moms, we carry a deep desire to see our kids happy, thriving, and included. But what happens when the very systems meant to support them instead marginalize them? This is my story about my son Blake—an incredible, resilient child with ADHD combined type and level one autism—and the challenges we’ve faced navigating the school system.
Before the Suspension
Before Blake was suspended, he was in trouble nearly every day. I knew he needed more support, so I asked the school if he should undergo a psychological evaluation. My request was met with silence. When I pushed for an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), the school convinced me to wait, suggesting we try an in-school behavioral plan instead.
Things came to a head one day when Blake requested a brain break, something we’d worked on as a strategy to help him regulate. The school refused, saying they didn’t have staff available to supervise him. Blake became dysregulated and, in frustration, trashed the classroom. That incident led to a two-day suspension.
After the suspension, nothing changed. The school made it clear that if his behavior didn’t improve and he didn’t have an IEP in place, they could expel him.
Taking Matters Into My Own Hands
To protect my son, I reduced his school hours to one hour per day until I could be cleared as a volunteer. Even then, it took over two months for the school to schedule an IEP meeting. In the meantime, I stayed in school with him as his aide, doing my best to manage his needs while advocating for him.
When the IEP meeting finally happened, the school’s focus wasn’t on providing the necessary support but on moving Blake to a special day class. They failed to include a Behavior Interventionist (BI) in his plan and showed little understanding of his needs.
The Misunderstanding of “Autistic Behavior”
One of the biggest misconceptions we’ve faced is around Blake’s behavior. Many people, including educators, fail to understand autistic behavioral rigidity. This means that while autism doesn’t cause his behavior, it makes it more rigid and challenging to manage without proper support.
The school seemed unwilling to acknowledge this nuance. Instead of implementing strategies or resources to help him thrive in his current environment, they pushed for segregation.
The Personal Impact
The lack of understanding wasn’t limited to the school staff. A teacher told me to my face that she had told another child’s family to keep their distance from Blake. A friend, who used to smile and hug him, now avoids him completely. The same child I watch as they move him between classrooms, trying different teachers and providing support for him.
This level of exclusion feels deeply personal and unjust.
The IEP Meeting
During the IEP meeting, the school used my own involvement against me. They pointed out that I left the school at 11:30 a.m. each day as proof of how “difficult” Blake’s behavior was. I had to remind them that I’m not his teacher—I’m his mother who wakes up with him at 4:30 a.m. every morning, comforts him when he can’t sleep, and stays calm and regulated for him at all times. And now I am also his full time school aide. Not to mention the business I run and non-profit—both have taken a backseat to my new teaching role.
Despite my best efforts, the school’s plan fell far short of what Blake needed. Ultimately, we rejected most of the IEP and hired a lawyer to fight for his rights.
A Hard Truth About Inclusion
Through this journey, I’ve realized that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who truly accept and include others and those who like the idea of inclusion but draw the line when it inconveniences them.
Even when I explained to other parents that Blake’s needs aren’t extraordinary, that his ADHD is the most common type and his autisum is mild, their response was often, “But don’t you think he’d be happier at a special school?” or “Do you really want him at the school if they won’t help?”
However, their are a few really kind parent’s who felt personally offered that our home school was being so non-inclusive and unhelpful. These are the moms that were and are carrying me through.
Moving Forward
This experience has been heartbreaking, but it’s also opened my eyes to how much work still needs to be done in creating truly inclusive environments. Behavior issues often become a line in the sand for schools and communities that claim to be progressive, yet these same behaviors are the very ones that need the most understanding.
To the moms reading this: if you’re in a similar fight, know that you’re not alone. Our kids deserve to be seen for who they are—not labeled, segregated, or misunderstood. Keep advocating, keep fighting, and don’t let anyone convince you that your child doesn’t belong.
We’ll keep fighting, too. For Blake, for your kids, and for the future we know they deserve.
#EnjoyYourSilly
From Momma Vix