Self-Regulation and Growth
Managing Fear: A Journey of Self-Regulation and Growth
Fear is an insidious companion, whispering doubts, conjuring worst-case scenarios, and fueling limiting beliefs that keep us tethered to anxiety. As a parent, my fears often revolve around my child: Will he get the education he needs? Will he find a fulfilling career? Will he be safe in an unpredictable world?
These worries aren't unfounded, but they can become overwhelming. The fear of my child not meeting societal benchmarks of success or of external threats to his safety feels deeply personal. However, I’ve learned that living in fear doesn’t equip either of us to thrive—it only magnifies the challenges we face.
Recognizing the Fear
Fear, I’ve realized, often comes disguised as love. I want the best for my son, but that doesn’t mean I have to be consumed by what-ifs. Acknowledging that fear is my limiting belief—one that narrows my vision and clouds my hope—has been the first step in loosening its grip.
Defending Against Negative Energy
Other people’s opinions, negativity, and judgments can amplify my fears. Whether it’s subtle criticism or overt doubt about my child’s potential, or ability to conform, external energy has the power to fuel my inner turmoil. But I’ve found ways to defend myself:
Setting Boundaries: Not every comment deserves my attention. I’ve learned to politely but firmly steer conversations away from criticism or judgment.
Choosing My Circle: Surrounding myself with supportive, empathetic individuals helps me stay grounded. Those who uplift, rather than diminish, are my allies.
Filtering Negativity: I’ve become selective about the media I consume. Stories of success and resilience replace doom and gloom in my feed. And this also comes with education. Follow accounts and listen or read books to learn. knowledge is power.
Regulating My Emotions
Fear often springs from a lack of control, and as a parent, it’s easy to spiral into a state of worry. I remind myself: just because my son is struggling now doesn’t mean he won’t succeed in the future. Life is not linear, and struggles can be the very thing that shape resilience and strength.
To manage this, I focus on emotional regulation:
Mindfulness: Breathing exercises and grounding techniques help me pause and assess situations with clarity.
Reframing Thoughts: Instead of thinking, “What if he never succeeds?” I ask myself, “How can I support him today to help him grow?”
Seeking Professional Advice: Whether it’s a therapist or educator, getting guidance from experts provides practical tools and reassures me that we’re on the right path.
Modeling Resilience for My Son
Children are sponges; they absorb the emotions and behaviors of those around them. If I want my son to grow into a self-regulated, resilient individual, I must model those qualities myself.
Demonstrating Self-Regulation: When I manage my emotions instead of reacting impulsively, I show him how to navigate frustration, disappointment, or anxiety.
Sharing Life Tools: I involve him in problem-solving. I am also dyslexic, so when I hit a tricky word, I will sound it out so he can hear me solve it. I will also do this in public, so he sees that I am not embarrassed by my dyslexia. This means I take back the power.
Reinforcing Positivity: Highlighting his strengths and encouraging his efforts, even when the outcome isn’t perfect, builds his confidence.
Choosing Hope Over Fear
The greatest gift I can give my son is the belief in his potential. Fear wants me to dwell on what might go wrong, but hope reminds me that growth is always possible. Just because there are challenges now doesn’t mean the future is written in stone.
By managing my own fears and demonstrating resilience, I’m equipping both myself and my son with the tools we need to navigate life’s uncertainties. Together, we can embrace the journey, trust the process, and find success on our own terms.
When we mess up.
This doesn’t mean that I never lose my rag, I do. We are humans and will say and do things we regrate. If this happens, I will always own my part. I explain and apologize in the same way I’d expect my child to do. Sometimes he adds “and I’m sorry for…” and sometimes I have to guild him. Or some time’s I don’t, and I just own my part. Either way it is modeling how to repair.
Remember this: Fear doesn’t define our path—our actions do.
#EnjoyYourSilly
Momma Vix