Professionals Baffled by Toddler Behaviors?

Why Are Professionals Baffled by Normal Toddler Behaviors?

I’m a mom, and I’ve often wondered why professionals seem so shocked when kids aged 3 or 4 don’t share, or are quick to hit or bite. It really baffles me—these are behaviors that are developmentally normal!

I’ve heard about ABA therapists suggest deep breathing or taking walks to help calm a child. While these techniques can be useful, they rarely offer a replacement behavior to use when a kid is upset. It’s as if they’re missing the big picture: at age 3, children simply don’t understand the concept of sharing or have the impulse control! impulse control only starts to develop at age 4. No wonder they can’t master these skills until they’re older.

So why do professionals, with all this knowledge and research, make new parents feel like something is wrong with their child? I keep hearing that normal behaviors are being labeled as “aggressive” or problematic.

Take my experience, for example. I was lucky that my kid never bit anyone, but his best friend did. That friend is now 5 and no longer bites—simply because he’s older and has learned better ways to handle his feelings. Yet, when I talked to another mom whose 3-year-old is biting when he struggles with sharing, I was shocked to hear that his ABA therapist only tells him to take deep breaths and go for walks. There’s no discussion about teaching a clear, alternative behavior to replace the biting, or understanding that biting in in this context is normal. Followed up with teaching the parent that the child or themselves are not a fault! That teaching a replacement behavior now with set them up for when the mature and then they will stop the bitting and use the replacement behavior. No shame needed!

I can’t help but wonder: are these professionals so caught up in their methods that they overlook the fact that these behaviors are completely normal for this age? Do they add extra stress to parents by implying that our kids have a “one-off” behavior problem, even though they’ve seen these actions countless times with other children? It almost feels like a tactic to scare us and make us feel solely responsible for our child’s natural development.

It can be frustrating for parents when professionals overreact to behaviors that are, by most developmental standards, entirely normal.

In the end, I believe we need a shift in how we approach these behaviors. Instead of labeling a 3-year-old as aggressive, wouldn’t it be more helpful if professionals acknowledged that these actions are a normal part of growing up? After all, once children reach the age where impulse control and sharing are more established, the replacement behaviors we teach now will naturally take root. Until then, a little understanding and support go a long way.

Enjoy Your Silly

From Momma Vix